The Diary of a Dad Podcast

Episode 2: Donald Mbeutcha

On this week's episode, I am joined by my good friend Donald Mbeutcha. A proud Father of 5 who's not shy in de-bunking the taboos around Fatherhood. Donald is incredibly open about his own experiences and personal struggles on his own Fatherhood journey so far. This is The Diary of a Dad Podcast.
This episode contains some difficult themes that are discussed in a sensitive manner.Show notes below..
 
Follow The Diary of a Dad:https://www.instagram.com/thediaryofadad
 
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00:00 Intro
2:40 Donald's childhood story
4:58 "No solid men around me"
06:10 "Always good with kids"
07:30 "Mum always told me I was man of the house"
09:00 "no one ever told me how to be a man..'
10:10 what was it like at the start of your relationship?
12:00 "you have to date yourself for a year..to figure out who you are.."
15:10 "had I not had that year I may not have found the one.."
16:18 did you intend to have kids straight away after marriage?
"we had lots of plans but had our first after a year.."
18:30 " I was now responsible for 2 other human beings.. I was fascinated..I was in awe of my wife..the process..nature.."
19:43 "classic mistake, asked what have you been doing all day.."
 
20:45 waters breaking
21:45  "when my daughter came I just cried..was in awe..that first time of being a dad...it's something special.."
22:53 were you prepared and who were you speaking to for advice?
"I was doing a lot of research, there weren't many people to help with advice, to help prepare mentally.."
25:30 "the mother sometimes has more support, but first time Dads have to support the family and carry on maybe without the same level of help.."
27:43 "did you naturally want to grow the family beyond 1 child.."
"Always wanted to get to 3 and give them the attention they individually need.."
30:08 what's the biggest challenge? Biggest jump? 2 to 3 (outnumbered)
32:06 what was the day to day life like?
"it was tough..have to help but still get out to work even harder to provide.."
34:18 "I wasn't getting enough attention..I love my family..my home.. but there's a parting that grows" 
35:50 "just because you have kids you don't stop living.."
36:40 what's most important relationship with kids or spouse?
37:30 homeschooling
39:40 'it was very important for us to have that time..to instill their personalities.."
40:30 can you speak about your 4th pregnancy?
42:45 "going to midwife..can't find a heartbeat.. 
43:50 "unfortunately there's no heartbeat..frozen..never think you'd be that parent"
45:50  "it hurts me that other men want to be father's but this happens and can't.."
48:25 "where are the other men this happens to.. you feel so alone..you think you're gonna hear that cry..felt guilty for laughing.."
50:40 how did you manage the need to look after yourself in this time?
"I didn't want to.. suicidal..can't contain it..didn't know what to do.."
54:50 "a lot of the focus of support is for the mum's..but what happens to the dads and children.."
57:25 "the help for the man is there it's finding it"
01:01:19 moving on after the loss
01:03:44 getting through next pregnancy week by week
01:05:49 "you have the most dynamic relationship with your dead child.."
01:07:24 what's one moment stands out the most as a Father?

Episode 1: Joel Conder

Joel Conder AKA DadVGirls sits with me for an honest chat on Fatherhood. How he and his family balance ever expanding diary schedules. Raising 5 girls aged 4 months to 17 years old, and more stories on life behind the scenes of DadVGirls. Welcome to The Diary of a Dad Podcast.
Show notes below..
 
Follow The Diary of a Dad:                        https://www.instagram.com/thediaryofadad
 
Follow DadVGirls:                   
https://www.instagram.com/dadvgirls
https://www.youtube.com/c/DadVGirls
Produced by Feed Ignite ⚡️                                                          https://feedignite.com
 
00:00 Intro1:32 Hellos
3:10 What was life like for a young Joel Conder?
5:53 Childhood sweethearts, did you talk about having kids in the early days?
"Looking through Littlewoods.. Casey a lovely surprise..you grow up so much..relationship on and off but realised we wanted each other in life..make it work.."
8:33 How did having Kaci early affect relationship?
"People think you'll change overnight, being 18 in a relationship is difficult anyway.. adding a baby can help or make it worse.. luckily it strengthened our relationship. Sarah was a great mum from day one.. I'm still learning.."
10:45 Did you have any support around you as a Father?
"Amazing family but no peers to relate to.. but great role models in family.."
12:20 Did you guys always want a big family?
"Should we shouldn't we? no plan just ended up here.."
13:15 You had a child quite young and you're still having children now!
"If we planned this we wouldn't be where we are now..
not as crazy as people think as old ones help with younger ones.."
16:02 How do you prioritise your daily diary?
"Organisation for me doesn't exist..amazing wife does all that..set up a family calendar game changer..
18:20 "Lockdown on the whole was positive for us, as all the stuff went away.."
20:08 How did DadvGirls start?
"Was fed up..was a camera man..want to make videos for myself..wanted more than an ordinary life..wanted to travel as a family..road trip in America was best thing we ever did..epiphany..if it doesn't work it doesn't work..lets just post videos for a year if it leads to something then amazing..then videos went viral.."25:34 "What holds me back most in life is my ADD so sticking to a schedule and being consistent is the hardest thing.. YouTube most consistent thing.."
27:35 How did you manage responsibility and conversations with kids about social media?
"Kaci was last in her class to have social media, then i had a shift..it's their future..if you exclude them from it you cut off from their friend group..it can be positive and negative thing..so lets use it positively together..we get criticism that we sharing our whole life..but in reality it's 40 mins a week and we're choosing what we share..pleased we didn't get into daily vlogging..we don't need to share everything..we have open communication what we want to include.."
32:54 With 2 teenage girls how do you keep them invested in their education when doing so well in social media? 
"I feel a lot they teach at school is a waste of time..should learn more life skills and less to pass exams..
37:45 "I just want to support them in whatever they want to do.. I never say be good and work hard.. I say have fun and be nice.."
39:04 How is it going back to the beginning with younger children?
"I'm so much softer as a parent now I'm older..
so soft when they're grounded i unground them.."44:22 Despite working in a 'care free' situation, you actually have some strict work routines in place?
"Yes it is a business.. with a lot of stuff going on in the background..now they're getting older it's more difficult to schedule.."
46:59 "When you're an influencer and you do work hard..you want to let people know..people can slam you for it..went on this morning..said i work harder now than i did before..daily mail published don't do much for a lot of money..comparing to NHS staff or farmer.."51:00 "I used to always be here for the school run..but now I'm out the way more it's better..."
52:00 The beauty is being able to adapt right?
"Mine and Sarah's upbringing; dad's were totally different..at the beginning we really clashed..but now we have a really great hybrid of how our dads were when we were young"
55:20 Looking back on life as a dad, 1 moment that stand out?
"Our daughter Sophie could't walk..first proper steps..still get goosebumps.."
57:09 One date in the diary most looking forward to this year?
"Holidays..live for holidays..work wise, clothing line..meet customers.."

The Diary of a Dad: Trailer

Ben Anderson aka @diaryofadad introduces his new podcast. Stay tuned for weekly episodes featuring fellow dads sharing their experiences of Fatherhood with Ben..
Follow Ben on instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/thediaryofadad
 
Produced by Feed Ignite ⚡ https://feedignite.com